


Unbroken Promises

by reefsntsumu



Series: Loving Kuroo Tetsurou [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurities, Kuroo deserves the world, Kuroo is a good boyfriend, Post- Timeskip, Self-Doubt, fluff at the end pinky promise, insecure reader, self-deprecating thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:53:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26673946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reefsntsumu/pseuds/reefsntsumu
Summary: "I promise to love you, even when you are at your worst. I promise to love you, even when you don’t love yourself. I promise to always love you, even when you don’t love me,"---Sometimes your insecurities get the best of you and you just need someone to bring back to reality.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader
Series: Loving Kuroo Tetsurou [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1941727
Kudos: 71





	Unbroken Promises

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! Posted this one a while back on tumblr and decided to share with y'all on AO3. This fic is a little more personal than my previous ones, especially because a lot of the habits and insecurities that are projected in the story are sometimes things that I do and ways that I feel. This is in no means a way to invalidate the struggles and insecurities of others, just a way to share some love and let you all know that you are all perfect and loved <33

There’s a feeling of guilt that overwhelms your mind. A gut-wrenching, heart-aching feeling that you’re keeping him back from doing something great. A skeptical feeling that he doesn’t love you; he is only there to entertain your mind and body.

But you knew deep down that was far from the truth. Because Kuroo Tetsurou was nothing more than a selfless, snarky, intelligent man who would give you the world if he could. He was perfect in every way you knew.

_What are you?_

_Worthless. Insecure._

_You’re not good enough for him._

_Shut up. Please, shut up._

These stupid voices that invaded your head constantly, would be the bane of your existence. But they were your voices. The thoughts tore down every fiber of your being, ridiculed the reflection in the mirror, second-guessed everything Kuroo did for you. Because…

_He’s too good for you. You do nothing but cry and worry. Pathetic._

“That’s not true, Y/N. Stop thinking that,” you mumbled to yourself, aggressively rubbing your palms into your eyes until you started seeing dots, as you leaned back on your desk chair.

You glanced at the clock and realized that it was time to head home. You sighed in relief and waved goodbye to your co-workers. Your shared apartment with Kuroo was of walking distance from your work, so you began your silent trek home, surrounded by sounds of obnoxious taxis and incoherent voices of busy individuals yelling at their phones. 

You walked home, drowning in your own self-deprecating thoughts, picking at the skin on the side of your thumbs until they were raw red, nervously biting the inside of your cheeks as you listened to the swirling murmurs in your head. You tried to hone in on an external sound, something constant, trying to distract yourself from your very own thoughts, but the busying streets were the opposite of constant, and you started to feel overwhelmed with the deafening sounds of the city. 

You quickened your pace until you arrived at your complex, scurrying towards the elevator, and finally feeling at ease, as you stood patiently in the lift listening to the calming elevator music. 

Once you arrived on your floor, you headed to your door and opened it up to an empty apartment. Kuroo always arrived an hour after you, but you weren’t disappointed. Something about coming back from work to a silent home felt oddly comforting, no sounds of annoying typing keyboards, no sounds of the unpleasant streets. Just you.

_Empty apartment again. Maybe he’s repulsed by you._

Just you… and your insecurities. Great.

You knew very well that Kuroo loved you deeply, that these thoughts were not close to being true, but for some reason, they always got the better of you.

_Please, just stop. It’s too much._

You dropped your bags on the sofa and headed towards the bedroom. You grabbed your towel and went to the bathroom, ready for a hot shower. You stripped off your clothes until you were bare in your undergarments. You stared at your reflection, gripping the corners of the counter until your knuckles paled and started cramping, analyzing every flaw you could think of, eyeing over your body until you felt tears prick at the corner of your eyes. You looked away and sat down on the floor, back against the door. 

You felt sick. Nauseous. Gross.

Your thoughts began spiraling and you held your head in your palms, knees curled up to the front of your body. Your chest started heaving and a sob escaped your lips. Tears started to spill from your eyes and you kept crying and crying until your throat felt dry.

_How pathetic can you be?_

_Very._

_Crying on the bathroom floor, practically naked. Worthless._

_I know_.

You stood up, avoiding your reflection, and pushed your hair out of your face, sighing deeply. You turned the water on to the hottest setting, waiting for it to warm up until the bathroom started steaming and fogging up the mirror. You entered the tub, flinching at the hot water until you relaxed under the oddly soothing sensation of the burn, standing under the scorching water for a few minutes.

You began washing your hair and conditioning it, your fingers gently massaging your scalp, until you moved on to cleansing your body, aggressively scrubbing your skin until it turned red as if you could wash off the parts you hated. The steam had become even thicker, engulfing you in your tub. You felt like you couldn’t breathe anymore, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in the humid heat and decided it was a good time to get out. You wrapped a towel around your body, hugging yourself tight, as you carefully pushed aside the curtain and stepped out. You moved in front of the mirror and wiped the water off so that you could see your face. Your eyes were red from crying or being in the shower for so long, you weren’t sure, but you felt calmer, knowing that you had cleaned yourself thoroughly. 

You opened the bathroom door, a cloud of steam escaping with you, and you noticed that Kuroo had come home and was sitting at the breakfast bar in the kitchen on his laptop. He looked over at you, a devilish smile plastered across his face and you playfully rolled your eyes and smiled at him, walking quickly into your room, changing into pajama pants and one of Kuroo’s old Nekoma shirts. 

You returned outside and strode towards Kuroo.

“Hi babe,” you murmured into Kuroo’s shoulder, wrapping your arms around his back as he sat on the barstool. He turned around to face you, hands placed on your waist and smiled endearingly.

“Hi, my love,” he whispered as he pulled you down for a soft kiss. 

“Already showered?” he asked, pulling away.

“Quite the genius you are, Tetsurou. What gave it away?,” you chirped sarcastically. You walked around the breakfast bar into the kitchen, looking for something to eat in the fridge.

_Do you really need a snack?_

_No._

Closing the fridge, you turned back to face Kuroo across the counter.

“Wish I coulda joined you,” he said typing away on his laptop.

“Come early one day and maybe we can make it happen,” you grinned, expecting a laugh or a snarky reply, but it seemed as if he hadn’t heard you.

_This is it. He doesn’t care anymore._

You ignored the thought and looked closely at your boyfriend. His eyebrows were furrowed together, eyes focused intently at the screen in front him and lips in between his teeth. He was stressed.

“Kuroo, hon,” you called out. He hummed in response. You walked over to him and placed your hand gently on his shoulder and he turned to you, erasing the previous emotion of stress and putting on a smile for you.

You knew him too well. You knew that smile wasn’t genuine. It faltered for a second and didn’t quite reach his eyes as it normally does. You frowned slightly and exhaled.

“Are you okay?” you asked, staring straight into his eyes. You knew he wouldn’t lie to you and his smile disappeared.

“I’m just stressed. Nothing to worry about, promise,” he leaned into your chest, wrapping his arms around your middle. You grabbed his shoulders and pushed him away slightly so that you could look at him again.

“It’s not nothing if it’s making you upset. You’re my partner, Kuroo, and I want you to be happy. Now, what’s wrong?”

He sighed deeply before answering. “It’s really not a big deal, but it’s just some new deadlines on top of other deadlines, and some of my co-workers are very unreliable, and that’s just more work for me. Don’t even get me started on one of my bosses. A total asshole. He just throws his responsibilities onto us and…” Kuroo continued talking, explaining all the things that he was struggling with at work. When he had finished he looked back at you, his hands still lazily resting on your waist.

“Thank you for listening,” he sighed and pulled you back in for a hug, his face nuzzled into your stomach. You carded your hands through his messy hair and reached for his cheeks planting a kiss on his forehead.

“I wish there was more that I could do,” you frowned deeply. 

“You listened, which was all that I needed,” he assured you, but you wanted to do more. You felt…

_Useless._

Kuroo could see the change in expression on your face, self-doubt written all over it. 

“Y/N, are you okay? You’ve got that look on your face and you’ve got me worried,”

_Great going. He’s stressed at work and now he’s gotta worry about you, too._

You wanted to cry. You felt like the second he touched you, your walls would break and every horrible feeling you thought you kept so well hidden would be exposed. You knew the second he called out your name again, you’d run because that’s what you do.

_You’re a coward Y/N. You can’t even talk to your own boyfriend._

Kuroo stood up from the stool, his tall stature towering over your slightly shorter one. You breathed in deeply and hugged him tightly, before he could say anything, doing your best to avoid eye contact.

“I’m fine. I just missed you,” you lied into his chest. You felt his arms tighten around your shoulders and you relaxed into his chest.

“Hon, please don’t lie to me. What’s going on?” he whispered, desperate for the truth. You stiffened up against him. He knew you too well.

“I- Can we talk about it later? Please,” you begged. Kuroo could see that you didn’t want to talk about it and he wouldn’t force you to say anything until you felt comfortable.

“Okay,” he mumbled into your hair. You smiled softly against his chest.

“I’ll start making dinner. You go shower. You stink,” you scrunched up your nose to exaggerate your disgust, which drew out a small chuckle from Kuroo. He nodded at your statement and headed towards the bedroom. 

You took a seat on the stool and laid your head against the counter. How were you going to tell him how you’re feeling without sounding ridiculous?

~~

Dinner had been finished and you stood at the kitchen sink drying up the dishes, while Kuroo tidied up the dining table and living room. Once everything was clean, you both crawled into bed, the T.V. in your room turned on to a sitcom. You both sat up, backs against the headboard, mindlessly playing with each other’s fingers, scrolling through your phones. It was when Kuroo coughed quietly and you two looked up at each other that you knew the inevitable conversation from earlier was going to be continued.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong now?” Kuroo pondered with a soft voice. 

You wanted to tell him everything you were feeling, but the words got caught in your throat and you didn’t know how to answer without crying. You took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling for a few seconds before you composed your thoughts and started talking.

“I want to tell you everything I’m feeling. I do. But I don’t know how to explain it without you thinking I’m a total mess. It’s pathetic, I know, but-”

“No,” Kuroo cut you off.

“W-What do you mean _no_?” you questioned.

“No, it’s not pathetic. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s obviously making you upset and distracted. So I’ll say it again. No it’s not pathetic. I don’t care if you start crying or become a mess. I will still listen and try to help. Promise.” He looked straight into your eyes, concern etched into his face.

“Okay,” you whispered. You took another deep breath and started talking.

“Sometimes, I feel like I’m not good enough. Like I’m not good enough for your love or deserve to even be loved by you. A-And everytime I see you, I just fall in love again because you amaze me with everything that you do and you’re absolutely perfect and then I remember the voices in my head telling me everything that’s wrong with me and that you don’t really love me.” You could feel your eyes burning and you blinked rapidly, trying to dissipate the tears that pricked at your eyes. You weren’t looking at Kuroo; you were looking everywhere except at Kuroo because the moment you looked at him you wouldn’t be able to speak coherently.

“And today was just really bad. Everything around me seemed so overwhelming, it was ridiculous. Just walking on the street made me want to curl up and shut my eyes. And when I got home, I looked in the mirror and I felt so disgusted because my flaws are so obvious and evident and it just makes me wonder why you would settle for someone like me. But then I hate myself even more because how could I even question how much you love me because you do so much for me. And I just start spiraling going back and forth. At the end of the day, I just want to be the very best version of myself because it makes you happy and when you’re happy I’m happy,” By now your face had been stained with stray tears and your cheeks had reddened from the confession and the embarrassment, your nose sniffling as you could start to feel yourself cry even more. You finally looked over to Kuroo. Before you could even read his face he leaned over and gave you a tight hug, his weight crushing you into the bed. But you felt safe and loved in his arms, the comfort of his weight making you smile as you started wetting his shirt with your tears.

“I wish that you could see the way I see you,” he mumbled into your neck, goosebumps rising across your arms and neck. “ To me, you are perfect. Even on your off days, I look at you as if you are the stars, with your beautiful smile, and teasing jokes, and your angelic laugher. I hate when you cry, but even then I think you look perfect,” he continued and you started laughing into his shoulder, now crying happy tears.

“I always want to kiss you and touch you. I can never get enough of you, Y/N. When I wake up next to you, I want to just hold you forever because I can’t imagine a life where you aren’t there with me. You care for me, when I don’t care for myself and I’d be so lost without you. You’re my anchor. And you’re so smart, but those voices in your head are incredibly stupid,” he poked your forehead and you giggled quietly, wiping the tears off your face. 

Kuroo fixed himself, still on top of you, but putting most of his weight on his forearm and his other arm gently caressing your cheek. He pulled you into a passionate and eager kiss, his lips feeling heavenly against yours. No matter how many times you kissed him, Kuroo felt electrifying. He made you feel alive and every poisonous thought in your mind suddenly disappeared and you felt exhilarated because at this moment you knew that you weren’t alone, you knew that you were loved. You never wanted this euphoric feeling to end because it would be incomparable to any other feeling. When you both parted, you and Kuroo were panting, legs entangled with one another and eyes filled with love. Kuroo pushed himself up slightly so that he could see you better, one hand still on your cheek.

“I promise to love you even when you are your worst,” he whispers breathlessly.

“When I am with you, I could never be at my worst,” you reply, smiling at his words.

“I promise to love you, even when you don’t love yourself,”

“Your love is enough,”

“I promise to always love you, Y/N, even when you don’t love me”

“But I will always love you, Kuroo,”

_He does and always will love you._

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback appreciated!


End file.
